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Psychotherapies

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT)

Compassion-something (CFT)

Meta-cognitive therapy (MCT)

What links here

Created (3 years ago)

Portal: Relationships

Self

The problem of forgetting

  • Keeping a readable diary
    • Noting when you try something new
    • Noting when a conflict happens
      • When a conflict-like thing has happened, you rarely understand it that well in the moment, and this can give you a writer's block or ugh field, so a tip is to just start describing mechanistically what happened, saving interpretations for later.
    • Noting when your partner starts a new project, so you can ask them about it later
  • Keeping a history of check-ins/tea dates/kickoffs/planned Serious Talks and what we said and agreed on (History of tea dates)
  • Keeping a history of lessons learned (Lessons learned with G)
  • Keeping a history of what your partner has said they need
  • Keeping a list of things you've appreciated about your partner at one point or another (Things about G I like/respect/endorse)
  • Keeping a list of commitments (Commitments Martin)
  • Keeping track of what your partner has planned or is planning – maybe pen her plans into your own calendar. (Related to "Living through the other")

Emotional responsibility

Emotional resources

As I understand it, the term "emotional resources" can involve:

  • Having friends who help you process
  • Asking people for help
  • Looking up online advice
  • Asking for advice on a subreddit
  • Using exercises from books
  • Using writing prompts
  • Using an N-step template for e.g. conflict resolution
  • Knowing you have material such as How to listen, Debate scripts, Checklist for situation
    • Thinking of it at the right time
  • Psychotherapies
  • Book: Focusing

Commitments, agreements

  • Clarifying your expectations
  • Keeping track of new things I try – like when I restrict Safari on the phone to 30 minutes. Make a note in the diary that I did so. Treat the diary as not just a place for braindumps but something you can share with your therapist.
    • (think of it this way: making your notes more utilizable for your therapist also makes them more so for you.)
    • This helps me look back and tell G what I've done
    • Standard followup: scheduled on calendar after 1 week and 1 month.
      • This could be an iOS shortcut.
      • Or if not an iOS shortcut, could I just transmit calendar events thru Beorg? I suspect that if it's not to feel stilted – if I'm to get over that hump and start calendaring more and more things thru Org, so that Beorg feels more and more like a natural extension of me – then I should sync my entire roam folder onto my phone. I'm a bit uncomfortable with that. But that would be the natural way: so that I can spawn a subheading in literally any of my files, titled "Review this", and not think about finding the specific file.
        • But it's true that todo lists don't really work for me and this will not change that. So I would only use it for reminders that don't attach much of a todo, or timeful reminders. I suppose instead of a todo.org I could have a reminders.org.
      • Ideally (again, from the perspective of a psychologist), I write something in my diary to say how I thought it went, and link back to the original diary entry when I began, if there is one.
        • (I note that this would be more automatic if I in fact made an org subheading in the original file scheduling a review a week in the future – then my notification/agenda will link me directly there, so I don't have to remember it exists to be referred to)
  • Commitments Martin
  • Agreements

Situation management

Intentional bonding🔗

Etc

  • Remembering about the other / Living through the other
    • so you'll realize they will need this or that, and they don't need to watch for all roadbumps themselves because you help out on that
    • Leave someone better than you found them
    • Innermost circle of concern to envelop the other / "Selfless Dating"
    • Each partner needs to maintain their sense of self
  • Understanding the other
    • Level 2 theory of mind (where did I read about this?, maybe a comment from the Simulacrum levels discussions?)
    • Other stuff under Rationality:Interpersonal
    • Bridge a mismatch of communication style
      • Communication cultures
      • That I try to disprove everything I hear can feel like I want to disprove everything you say, and if so it's my bad, it's just how I develop an understanding of things
  • Love-oriented life approach, the way Bell Hooks talks about it
  • Managing a long-distance relationship
  • Joint documents – like Griselda & Martin's shared pages
  • Always-good advice
  • Good relationships aren't built on combining two halves, but two wholes.
  • Reflect on the perspective I have of relationships, as a result of my place in society
  • Self-advocate

What links here

Created (3 years ago)

org-before-export-hook is gone

#emacs

Struggled so long looking for a hook that would work like the old org-before-export-hook. Let this be a lesson: the Emacs hook system exists to let you subtly modify a function IN THE MIDDLE of its body. We never actually need simple before-hooks nor after-hooks (that's why it was removed), since in those cases it is always possible to use add-function or write a wrapper.

So where do you put that add-function? It depends… I use org-publish actually, so I wrap org-publish-org-to.

Created (3 years ago)

Losing items in recentf, org-id-locations? Run kill-emacs-hook periodically.

This has been annoying me for years. Every time I start #Emacs, there will be some org notes I cannot find by org-id, and recentf suffers partial amnesia so that I cannot jump to a file I was just working on minutes ago (before Emacs crashed), and so on.

The issue stems from a programming anti-pattern: assuming that takedown logic will execute. In other words, relying on kill-emacs-hook.

At the end of this page, you can find an initfile snippet to fix this.

Rant:

It's insane to put any sort of data-sync on kill-emacs-hook. Most of the time my Emacs goes down, it happens in a non-clean way – why would I intentionally shut off Emacs if everything is fine? Ergo, that hook never runs. Package developers, look over your code and ask what happens if kill-emacs-hook never runs.

If you want to persist state across restarts, you must write it to disk at some other time than takedown. Assume your user's customary method of restarting is yanking the power cord – code accordingly.

IMO they should warn developers about this in the docstring. 

(defvar my-state-sync-hooks nil
  "Dynamic variable.
For some reason, `run-hooks' can't use a let-bound list when
lexical binding is t, so instead `my-state-sync' will work with
this global variable.")

(defun my-state-sync ()
  "Write histories and caches to disk.
This runs many members of `kill-emacs-hook' so we don't have to
rely on that hook.  You may put this on a repeating idle timer."
  (setq my-state-sync-hooks
        (seq-intersection
         ;; NOTE: Check your `kill-emacs-hook' in case there's
         ;; more functions you want to add here.
         #'(bookmark-exit-hook-internal
            savehist-autosave
            transient-maybe-save-history
            org-id-locations-save
            save-place-kill-emacs-hook
            recentf-save-list
            recentf-cleanup)
         kill-emacs-hook))
  (run-hooks 'my-state-sync-hooks))

;; Run after 3 minutes of idle.
;; (Will not repeat until user becomes idle again.)
(setq my-state-sync-timer
      (run-with-idle-timer (* 3 60) t #'my-state-sync))

Bonus tips

If your exact problem concerned abbrev or recentf, one of these lines could be sufficient for you. 

(add-hook 'kill-emacs-hook #'write-abbrev-file)

(setq recentf-max-saved-items 1000)
Created (3 years ago)
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